Vanishing Hitchhiker
"Yes, I've seen a vanishing hitchhiker before." -stated a man- "While driving in my new SUV, I saw a woman standing on the side of the road, thumb out, obviously in need of assistance. I pulled over and she asked me if I could drive her to the nearest gas station. I said "Sure, if you don't mind riding with a coffin." -I gestured behind me to the large pine box in the back of the vehicle- ".....I barely even saw her dust trail."
A Reason *Not* to Clean Your House
You know your house is incredibly filthy when a burglar breaks in, takes one look around, and instantly leaves.
Who or *what* did you marry?
A woman who was getting tired of her husband always coming home drunk decides to play a prank on him. She waited until Halloween night, then donned a full body devil suit and hid behind a tree near their house. When he got near enough, she jumped out in front of him, her red horns and tail for all to see, and brandishing a red pitchfork.
Husband - "Who are you?!"
Wife - "I'm the Devil, you poor, miserable soul!"
Husband - thinks for a moment- "Well, you may as well come home with me."
Wife - "Why?"
Husband - "I wanted you to meet your long-lost sister..... my wife!"